I am not normal

Based on the Start Experiment, one of the topics was ‘What do you fear?’ and how to cast out that fear. One of my biggest fears has been being seen as different.
I have Aspergers, a form of autism. I know that I have it now, but growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I just knew I was different. I sympathized with Mr Spock of Star Trek, an alien living among humans, not understood and not understanding others.
My immediate family members didn’t know what to make of me. I was not close to either of my parents nor my sister. My interests were vastly different than theirs. Imagine country music versus classical. I didn’t understand social interactions or how to make or keep friends.
And I just wanted a friend.
I would have, in time, what I would call, survival friends. They are not the ones you would have chosen, but the ones that were willing to hang out with you, or at least not turn you away. They were nice people and we shared some common interests, mostly of not fitting in elsewhere.
I studied human psychology to try to understand WHY people did what they did.
I studied history to glean data from what people had done in the past.
But it was all cold data, with little meaning behind it.
It wasn’t until I went to college that I felt like I fit in. But it made it harder to return home. They are supposed to understand and support you at home, aren’t they?
I have made decisions in my life to try to fit in, to be more normal. Now, in the middle of my life, I am frustrated. And I know why. I have not been honest about who I am.
But I am special. I am unique. And I need to embrace who I am and associate with those who appreciate that.


4 thoughts on “I am not normal

  1. Hello Friend,

    You are wise to surround yourself with those who appreciate you for who you are!
    There are way less ‘normal’ people in this world than most would like to think.

      • Oh thanks for much for reading!
        It comes in waves, and I appreciate you saying that because I was beating myself up for not taking the time to write today!

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